DC Pierson 01July2003 3:45 AM
When the bedroom door opens I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep so you won’t know I’ve been waiting up for you all night. It takes all the skills I gained when I was six, on the floor of the Disneyland Hotel rolled up in a comforter at the foot of the bed, watching TV with one eye open, anticipation killing every chance for vacation sleep.
When you think my mind is occupied with dreams of other women and more exotic locales, it’s really only wondering if you’ll kiss me awake. When I roll over, it’s not because something particularly distressing happened in dreamland, it’s because I’m trying to smell your hair on the pillow without making it obvious.
Sometimes something really funny would happen on the TV, and I’d laugh, but it would come out as a snort as I tried to catch it. My parents either caught on or thought I was getting black lung from the California air.
You shouldn’t know I can’t sleep without you because that makes me seem desperate. And if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s desperate.
Not now that you’re home, anyway.
monkeyfrog: singingbones: Best thing you'll see today. Winter...
Best thing you'll see today.
Winter Fuzz.
rstevens: Tonight's comic explores the slim difference between...
Tonight's comic explores the slim difference between cats and humans.
Show me your cat!
Ms. Underfoot gave birth to a heap of kittens! I'm fairly...
Ms. Underfoot gave birth to a heap of kittens! I'm fairly certain there are seven of them but sometimes it looks like there are eight. She is a very good mother and all are doing well.
rstevens: Pizza.
thisfeliciaday: wilwheaton: fuckkyeahwilwheaton: obeymybrain: ...
Did anyone think that the stand-up cut-outs that Wil posted to his blog for Tabletop Day kind of looked like King of Tokyo monsters? I did, so last night I made these. :)
I scaled the images down to about 3.75 inches tall, printed front and back versions and glued them to some 4-ply mat board and got WHEEEEATON! and Day of Destruction ready to bring ruin to the city of Tokyo. They fit very well into the plastic stands. They needed some monster boards so a couple hours later… :) This morning I printed everything out and assembled the boards. Right now the number disks are just held on with thumb tacks so I'm going to need to find something more permanent.
If anyone wants to print their own copies, I uploaded a pdf to my Google drive account here. https://docs.google.com/file/d/0ByD1Q_nbLnhvSHM4T1pJU2NJa1k/edit?usp=sharing
I also put the full size pages as jpegs in this post but I'm not sure if my settings will allow them to be downloaded so they are also available on imgur here:
Wil: http://i.imgur.com/kzK2tKr.jpg
Felicia: http://i.imgur.com/MSmP8uJ.jpg
Here are the blog posts on WilWheaton.net
Lil' Wil http://wilwheaton.net/2013/03/how-about-a-couple-of-cutouts-for-your-tabletop-day-event/
and Lil' Felicia http://wilwheaton.net/2013/03/a-felicia-day-standup-for-tabletop-day/.
Drawn by Lar Desouza http://www.lartist.com/ and released under the Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Share-Alike 3.0 license.DEAR GOD. ITS BEAUTIFUL.
This right here is why the Creative Commons License is so awesome.
PLAY MORE GAMES!!
This is amazing! #TableTopDay is happening NOW! Play games and share pics and videos! Lets make this new international holiday HUGE!
DC Pierson makes a pep-rally mixtape for lonely pop-culture obsessives
DC Pierson makes a pep-rally mixtape for lonely pop-culture obsessives:
Super-duper proud of this. The great Tasha Robinson interviewed me for the AV Club's "I Made You A Mixtape" feature. Details the struggle of being a cynical nerd and trying to de-cynicism yourself with the aide of, and sometimes in spite of, music and movies and making out. Features Kanye, Springsteen, Joni Mitchell, Jason Anderson, A New Found Glory, Good Luck, Gin Blossoms, Girlfrendo, Karl Hendricks Trio, Weston, Ne-Yo, The Mountain Goats, Belle & Sebastian, and Jimmy Eat World.
Tardigrade in Moss Image Credit & Copyright: Nicole...
Tardigrade in Moss
Image Credit & Copyright: Nicole Ottawa & Oliver Meckes / Eye of Science / Science Source Images
Explanation: Is this an alien? Probably not, but of all the animals on Earth, the tardigrade might be the best candidate. That's because tardigrades are known to be able to go for decades without food or water, to survive temperatures from near absolute zero to well above the boiling point of water, to survive pressures from near zero to well above that on ocean floors, and to survive direct exposure to dangerous radiations. The far-ranging survivability of these extremophiles was tested in 2011 outside an orbiting space shuttle. Tardigrades are so durable partly because they can repair their own DNA and reduce their body water content to a few percent. Some of these miniature water-bears almost became extraterrestrials recently when they were launched toward to the Martian moon Phobos on board the Russian mission Fobos-Grunt, but stayed terrestrial when a rocket failed and the capsule remained in Earth orbit. Tardigrades are more common than humans across most of the Earth. Pictured above in a color-enhanced electron micrograph, a millimeter-long tardigrade crawls on moss.
Monday, April 13, 2009 Words Can Never Make Up for What You Do When I was a kid I was good with...
Monday, April 13, 2009
Words Can Never Make Up for What You Do
When I was a kid I was good with words like others were good with basketball or trombone or getting people to kiss them. I had a way with words, and words had a way with me. We still have our way with each other, on a regular and mostly satisfactory basis. While I don't think language is the province of the fancy and the few, I believe there is something to be said for being good with words (and it takes words to say that something.) Still, sometimes there really just are no words.
Certain emotions and sensations end up expressing themselves as best they can: through a series of shrugs or mix tapes, longing looks, little laughs tucked into the corner of your mouth, crying jags, the flex of a hand, the tap of a foot, the way you shake your hair out of a ponytail or smooth your shirt or inexplicably touch a wall, how you touch someone's back or arm at the precise moment and pressure they need you to, the measure of your laugh, the intensity with which you look something up for someone on the internet, do a favor, keep your mouth shut, come out fighting, reach for someone, pour a drink, steal a kiss, sneer, sigh, shudder, hold your breath, a door, a thought.
Not to get all grad school phenomenology class on you, but all that's language. Each smile we burn, pain we show, tremor we swallow: all words in their way.
And we all have some sort of way with them.
Let's be friends
Ah love. It make you so crazy! Right?? I'm not talking about the kind of new-love madness where you think his eyeball warts are sexy, or the hopeful-love delusion where you think he's actually going to leave his wife. No, I am talking about the worst insanity of them all — the breakup crazy.
When you have been dumped, you lose your mind and will do dumb shit. This is just a rule of life. Accepting this truth is key in getting over any break up. All of your decisions will be terrible, so you should just let your friends run your life for a while. Usually I don't like to tell my friends what to do, but if one has been dumped I feel it is my duty to hold her down, jam a wallet in her mouth, and tell her it's a VERY BAD IDEA to move in with her ex to figure out "why he stopped loving me." (I know, because I did it.)
So, as a non-insane, non-dumped person, let me once and for all call bullshit on the biggest bad idea in break-ups: "Let's be friends." The only reason that this concept has persisted is because break-ups are handled by crazy people. Trying to be friends with someone you have just broken up with is like going to the movies with someone who just mugged you. And buying their ticket. And then punching yourself in the face. It's about self respect.
"But wait! Eliza!" You say, "We were such good friends to begin with! The whole reason I love him is because he is such a good person!" Bullshit. You were never friends! There was no point at which you weren't trying to bone each other. That's what that was. Those late night talks, the walks in the rain, all those chicken fights — all of it was warming up to the nasty. So when you say you want to "be friends" what you mean is that you want him to want to stick it in you. But the sad truth is, he doesn't want to. Not even the tip.
When you perpetuate the "staying friends" myth, you engaging in a dance of manipulation and self degradation. You are giving yourself license to call him in the middle of the night — 'cause you're still friends (yay!) — and you have to know that that phone call ends in crying. It just does. So does the one where you ask him about the new girl he's dating. I mean, eventually you can be friends. In a while you can call each other up and build a nice new relationship based on friendship, not sadness. When it doesn't hurt so much, when you don't care, and when you've lost some of that relationship weight and look waaay better than he does.
For now, though, you don't have to be cool with him — you don't have to be cool with ANY of it. Give yourself a break and hate the motherfucker. Yeah! Call him a motherfucker! Get out of the house, even if you're sad, especially if you're sad. Keep moving forward and do lots of fun new stuff with your REAL friends — the ones that still want to dip it in you.
** Please note that gender specific pronouns can be switched and this is all still true. You are not friends with her. Stop it.**
The mind reels at the sheer enormity of these balls. In...
The mind reels at the sheer enormity of these balls.
In attempting to traverse these balls, many have found themselves stricken with the same existential panic that must have afflicted explorers of old, who, expecting to find the Earth dropping off at the horizon, instead discovered that it stretched onward and onward, the horizon ever evading their grasp. Similarly, these balls evade the grasp of the human imagination. We do not want the human imagination to grasp these balls. If the human imagination wants to touch them gently, though, that's fine.
These balls dwarf the greatest monuments of man. The Pyramids are a paperweight next to these balls. The Empire State Building is a tiny pin. Normally, we would not want a tiny pin anywhere near these balls, but, being extra-careful, we may place these balls next to the Empire State Building and take a picture when we are drunk, but we hope we remember to delete the picture later.
Like the British Empire of old, the sun never sets on these balls. Sometimes we wish the sun would set on these balls, but since their size renders this an impossibility, we simply apply lots of sunscreen and endure complaints from the neighbors.
These balls beg the question, "Could God create balls so big even He could not lift them?" If He cannot, then His omnipotence is called into question in a paradoxical conundrum which has vexed even the greatest of philosophers. And if He can, surely these balls are the balls He has created, but if he ever tries to lift them, we will go, "Dude, God, what are you doing?" and make a mental note never to fall asleep around God again.
These balls have inspired a reinterpretation of Greek myths: Some scholars now believe that instead of having Earth on his back, the Titan known as Atlas may have held these balls. This has caused some to re-evaluate the title of Ayn Rand's classic novel of ideas, "Atlas Shrugged," although no one has ever shrugged in reaction to these balls. Reactions to these balls have included gasping, giggling, and asking us to leave Chili's.
These balls have, simply by being, and by being so big, reached farther into the known universe than the whole human race has with all its technical ingenuity and natural curiosity. To paraphrase poet John Gillespie Magee, Junior, these balls "have slipped the surly bonds of Earth…and tea-bagged the face of God." That is why God has made a mental note never to fall asleep around us again.
Posted by DC at October 17, 2006 01:59 AM
PROFESSOR J.T. ANDERTHORPE'S ALL-PURPOSE HEART TONIC! Every...
PROFESSOR J.T. ANDERTHORPE'S ALL-PURPOSE HEART TONIC!
Every schoolboy knows that the heart is the most important organ in the body: It is the home of the immortal soul, the seat of the mind, the producer of bile, the performer of breathing and other lung-like functions, and many reputable doctors now believe that, in its spare time, the heart may have a hand in the pumping of blood.
No wonder, then, that this busy little muscle might run down, like an overtaxed steam engine or the shoes of a hobo.
But the heart-having public must not fear, for Professor J.T. Anderthorpe, world-renowned purveyor of things and a person of some standing in reputable circles, has created an All-Purpose Heart Tonic. The Professor has fused two schools of medical thought: the dark and ancient secrets of the Orient, and the scientific soundness of modern alchemy.
Professor Anderthorpe's wondrous tonic has been approved for the treatment of all heart-based ailments, including:
Bootblack's Complaint
Milkmaid's Ambivalence
Twenty-something's Despair
Chinaman's Knee
Negro's Cough
Chinamen's Negro
Shooting Pains From Behind The Eyeball To Just Below The Gizzard
Hunger Pangs Upon Waking
Pangs Of Guilt Upon Waking One's Roommate
Pangs Of Guilt Upon Walking Past The Homeless
Inexplicable Buzzing Sensation In The Ears
Inexplicable Buzzing Up Of Strangers To A Party
Inexplicable Urge To Grab A Policeman's Gun
Prospector's Regret
Philosophy Major's Regret
The Regret That No Doubt Comes In The Half-Second Before You Die And The Mind Becomes A Two-Way Radio To Heaven And The Meaning Of Life Is Revealed To You But It Is Too Late To Do Anything About It
Sudden Shortness Of Breath
Sudden Shortness Of Height
Sudden Drunken Conviction That Everybody At This Party Hates You, Including The Strangers You Buzzed Up
Sudden Drunken Conviction That Everybody At This Party Loves You, Now That You've Had More To Drink
Sudden Realization That The Strangers Have Stolen Your DVD Player
Waitress' Error
Part-Time Waitress' Terror
Terror At The Very Real Prospect Of Burnout By The Age Of Thirty
Terror At Thirty When You've Achieved Your Dreams And, Well, Now What?
Terror At The Thought Of Having Children With Someone Who Must Inevitably Have Catastrophic Personality Explosions Buried Deep Within Them Because Lord Knows You Do
Heart Cancer
Dog Groomer's Reluctance
Reluctance To Wear A Sweater In Case It Proves To Be Too Warm Outside And You Have To Walk Around Carrying Your Sweater Like A Chump
Reluctance To Commit To A Thought Or An Action Without Apologizing Profusely For Even Being So Bold As To Have A Thought Or Take An Action
Stunt Pilot's Boldness
Old Person's Oldness
The Creeping Fear Of Mortality That Accompanies Interactions With The Elderly
The Creeping Guilt Which Accompanies The Creeping Fear Of Mortality That Accompanies Interactions With The Elderly
Lounge Singer's Accompaniment
Inability To Sleep For The Recommended Eight Hours, Resulting Alternately In The Sleeping Of Four Hours, Twelve Hours, Or No Hours At All
Inability To Tolerate In Others What One So Freely Allows In Oneself
Inability To See The Forest For The Trees
Lumberjack's Eyeball
Lumberjack's Shirt From An Unfortunate Eighth-Grade Flirtation With Plaid Because No Other Clothes Are Clean
American's Guilt At Complaining When There Is, In The Grand Scheme Of Things, Nothing To Complain About
Netflix Subscriber's Guilt At Not Sending The Movies Back Fast Enough
Freelancer's Anxiety
Retailer's Obesity
Chinaman's Heart Cancer
For all these ailments and twelve score more, J.T. Anderthorpe's Heart Tonic Is Just The Thing.
It Keeps The Humors In Balance, The Engine On The Rails, And The Shoes On The Hobo.
Use only as directed.
Posted by DC at October 10, 2006 10:04 AM
rstevens: I'm kind of obsessed with tentacles coming out of...
I'm kind of obsessed with tentacles coming out of holes.
rstevens: Between this strip and the next is everything a new...
Between this strip and the next is everything a new reader needs to jump into DS. Pass it on!
thisfeliciaday: Just another day at a convention…
Just another day at a convention…
rstevens: Prepare to know Fear.
Prepare to know Fear.
monkeyfrog: This is the one by which all the others will...
This is the one by which all the others will forever be measured.
rstevens: GONNA EAT A LOT OF SUGAR THIS WEEK BOSS
GONNA EAT A LOT OF SUGAR THIS WEEK BOSS
boobsradley: doree: Very psyched about this list, featuring...
Very psyched about this list, featuring some of my favorite writers/think-y people on the best book they read this year. Such as! Katie Notopoulos, Emily Gould, Anna Holmes, Caterina Fake, Tavi Gevinson, Jenna Wortham, Natasha Vargas-Cooper, Edith Zimmerman, Willa Paskin, Mary H.K. Choi, Ana Marie Cox, Julieanne Smolinski, Sloane Crosley, Julie Klausner, Shani Hilton, Amy Rose Spiegel, Elizabeth Spiers, AND MANY MORE!
Also, P.S., if you are looking for a) a bookish holiday gift or b) a reading list for the next year (or two), this will be very useful.
READING MAKES YOU HOT. READING MAKES YOU HOT.
DC Pierson on John Williams
Something cool I just thought of I wish I’d thought of the morning this all happened: The “Star Wars” music gets me. It gets me right where I live. I think my body learned how to derive an actual physical sensation of joy from music by reacting to the “Star Wars” theme. For the actual lighting up of my spine, no piece of music to this day probably has a better track record with me. At the nexus of my relationship with music and stories and sci-fi and movies and adventure, at the center of everything I think is good about being a fan or an audience member or honestly, a person, there are these music cues. I didn’t get to see him conduct an orchestra through that music specifically, but I got to see that man, that man who is at least partly responsible for teaching me how to enjoy several of the things I enjoy more than anything, who used music’s evolution-granted ability to open up the deepest recesses of ourselves to open up those places in me and then, with his compositions, parked spaceships and Supermen in there, I got to see him run some pro musicians through some music he wrote for the movies. And you guys! I can’t even tell you how great I think that is, or how indebted I feel to that guy who let us come out and watch him rehearse.
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